Where Do Liberals Come From?

Where do liberals come from?

Are they picked from a crop of liberal-minded organic cabbages in California? Does some snooty stork leave them on doorsteps on his way to pick up his Prius?

Seriously. Where do they come from?

This question crossed my mind while my husband and I were sitting reading the news and I saw an article on the Daily Caller about how the Southern Poverty Law Center has determined that anyone who disagrees with Common Core is a right-wing extremist. I read it to my husband who said, “Who comes up with that stuff? Who decides what is “liberal?”

I immediately had visions of cloaked figures sitting in a basement of Starbucks, sipping soy lattes and determining what would be the liberal talking points for this month. At the table would be Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews and some losers from Organizing for America – maybe even a Hollywood star or two (Alec Baldwin, I’m looking at you).

Their agenda would include new and exciting ways to tie racism to anyone who drinks chocolate milk or shops at Wal-Mart on Sundays. Then they’d move on to creative tips for blaming Bush for kicking puppies and everything that is wrong not only in America, but around the world (my guess is they’d think globally). Finally they’d bring in some lame graphic designer to work on a meme or two to support Obamacare and mock those who disagree with it.

It’s hard to understand how a liberal’s mind works and why they adopt certain ideas. Part of me wonders if they simply looked through the Constitution and decided to base their entire agenda on doing the complete opposite of what the document says. “Hrm, First Amendment, freedom of speech? Nonsense! Only if that speech is speech we agree with. Oh, and that gun thing? OUTTA HERE.”

When you talk to a liberal it’s as if they’re not sure where their ideals come from or why they believe what they do either. And they’re often confused, especially about party placement in history. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve argued against this magical switch in the parties around slavery and the KKK. Apparently one day (I’m thinking it was a Tuesday) republicans decided they were going to become racists even though the very party was founded to end slavery. Yup. And on that same Tuesday, democrats had an epiphany and decided they weren’t going to be racists anymore, even though the basis of their party was to protect slavery, form the KKK and create Jim Crow laws.

Right.

Other popular liberals ideas that I don’t quite understand where their originate from:

• Gun control? Guns kill people… end of story.
• Women’s rights? Abortion is a right and that’s all women care about. Besides, a fetus isn’t alive or a baby until it’s born.
• Speaking of women, they should be a protected class because they’re too stupid to take care of themselves.
• War? War is bad unless a democrat is running the country.
• Healthcare is a right and rich people better pay for everyone.
• Raise the minimum wage because we say so. Economics? We don’t need no economics.
• All republicans/conservatives are racists, bigots, sexists, islamaphobes, homophobes and not a one pay their fair share.

So I have to ask again, is there some special group deciding these things? Are they giggling at how easily their base is convinced to follow along? I just don’t get it. I suppose if we see a snooty stork driving a Prius and drinking a latte we’ll just have to ask him.